The Black Adder

the Youtube link.

Blackadder: Right Baldrick, let's try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?
Baldrick: Some beans.
Blackadder: Yes... and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?
Baldrick: A very small casserole.
Blackadder: Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?
Baldrick: Three.
Blackadder: What?
Baldrick: ...and that one.
Blackadder: Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?
Baldrick: Oh. Some beans.
Blackadder: Yes. To you Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it?
-----------------------------

Comedy gold.

Dum Dums - Lonely Hearts Company

Sometimes I'm sad and i don't know why
I sit under the stars and I almost cry
and in times like these you know I'm lonely and I wanna die

When you're looking for a cigarette to ease your pain
And your life's a drag and you work in vain
Burned down your office and walk out into the rain

Life is short
You gotta look around
Pretty soon you'll be all grown up
With dead eyed kids and a life of hell
Stick with me and we'll feel swell

Lonely hearts company
Selling shares in sympathy
Lonely hearts company
Share with me your misery

Well i dont like to smoke cuz it takes your cash
And i dont roll notes cuz i aint that flash
But in times like these you know i feel like getting trashed
Yet the thing about you is that you see me through
And I can sit around and just talk to you
This world is such a cynical place
People can be so cruel

Life is short
You gotta look around
Pretty soon you'll be all grown up
With dead eyed kids and a life of hell
Stick with me and we'll feel swell

Lonely hearts company
Selling shares in sympathy
Lonely hearts company
Share with me your misery

Lonely hearts company
Selling shares in sympathy
Lonely hearts company
Share with me your misery...

Magic

A magician is performing at a wedding, and decides to try a new trick.

'For this trick, I'll need a female volunteer from the audience. Please raise your hand.'

Lots of female guests raise their hands. Naturally enough, he picks the blonde bridesmaid with the big tits. When she comes on stage he says:

'For the purposes of this trick, I'll need you to remove your underwear'

She's a bit bemused but trusts the magician, so takes her knickers off.

The magician then says:

'Now, I'm going to make this woman disappear!' He then proceeds to bend her over and fuck her in front of the audience. After he finishes, the audience are a bit bemused and the groom says to the magician:

'Oi! She didn't disappear at all! That wasn't a trick!'

'No', says the magician, 'but it was fucking magic!'

Last.fm Feature Test

Headlines

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might aswell go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.